Dear People no longer in my life,
Please stay out of my dreams that only leave me with feelings of....well I don't know what to call it when I wake up, but I don't like it! You aren't in my life because of your choosing, can you please go find someone else's dreams to disturb? Especially you from two nights ago, all thoughts and dreams of you makes me feel lonely and sad. Please, I am pleading - GO AWAY - stop invading my life as I try to make steps in different directions. On to you from last night, you refuse to leave my wake time, can't you leave me be once I close my eyes. Mind you, we did make a pretty awesome crime fighting team last night, but I need some rest. I need to find clarity. How can I do that when every waking moment and now every sleeping moment has been invaded?
In need of some true rest,
Mel P
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Fourteenth
Dear Debbie,
Once upon a time, I started my own once upon a time with a young man. In so doing I became a member of a new family. I was young, unaware, and truth be told frightened. I only knew what I knew and that was what I came from. I tried to be brave, to put on a good front and try to be like that new family. I'm pretty sure I failed with that, and I'm ok with knowing my failure. I must confess though of that new family - of all those new brothers and sisters - you were the one I felt most comfortable with. You were the one that just accepted me with opens arms, never telling me what to do, never judging me for my inadequacies, and always loving me. To this day - almost four years after my once upon a time ended with a not so happily ever after divorce, you still love me. You still care. You have faith in me that I often do not have in myself. I know we will always be family, we will always be connected and for that I am so grateful. I'm sorry it took me so long to come around but I did not know how to handle the divorce and the family. Thanks to you, I now know there is nothing to handle.
I must confess, I was scared that afternoon in March when you came driving up to us. I didn't know how ya'll felt or how you would react to me coming to FL - but once again you amazed me by welcoming me back as though I never left. Just so you know, I don't plan on leaving again. Family is family regardless of how we came to be, we always will be. Right?
As far as Steve, he has his demons to fight. I am sadden but his lack of desire to fight them and how it so affects my children. It breaks my heart and I feel sorry for him when I am not so frustrated with him. It will be ok, I will work through, and I know I am supported by so many, including yourself.
Always your little sis,
Mel P
Once upon a time, I started my own once upon a time with a young man. In so doing I became a member of a new family. I was young, unaware, and truth be told frightened. I only knew what I knew and that was what I came from. I tried to be brave, to put on a good front and try to be like that new family. I'm pretty sure I failed with that, and I'm ok with knowing my failure. I must confess though of that new family - of all those new brothers and sisters - you were the one I felt most comfortable with. You were the one that just accepted me with opens arms, never telling me what to do, never judging me for my inadequacies, and always loving me. To this day - almost four years after my once upon a time ended with a not so happily ever after divorce, you still love me. You still care. You have faith in me that I often do not have in myself. I know we will always be family, we will always be connected and for that I am so grateful. I'm sorry it took me so long to come around but I did not know how to handle the divorce and the family. Thanks to you, I now know there is nothing to handle.
I must confess, I was scared that afternoon in March when you came driving up to us. I didn't know how ya'll felt or how you would react to me coming to FL - but once again you amazed me by welcoming me back as though I never left. Just so you know, I don't plan on leaving again. Family is family regardless of how we came to be, we always will be. Right?
As far as Steve, he has his demons to fight. I am sadden but his lack of desire to fight them and how it so affects my children. It breaks my heart and I feel sorry for him when I am not so frustrated with him. It will be ok, I will work through, and I know I am supported by so many, including yourself.
Always your little sis,
Mel P
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The Thirteenth
Dear Bob,
You make my world more interesting. From the first day I met you when you came marching at me with a tribal spear in hand, until more recently when you mentioned how I made your hormones vibrate, you have made this trip something to remember. Thank you for the latter, that is an image that will never be extricated from my mind. I, according to you, am an hormone vibrator. Which begs some questions. Do I vibrate all hormones? Is it just the hormones of men?> Or only specific people? How did I become an hormone vibrator? Did I do something specific or is it just the sheer excellence that exudes from me that gets you feeling frisky?
In addition to this, I appreciate your need for me to date. Your need is greater than my desire - do you realize that I am content with not having the constant presence of a man around? Trust, though, as soon as I find one I want to keep around on a long term basis - you will be the first to know - in fact I might bring him in for the three of us to have a lunch date. At this point, I'm not sure I can have a relationship without your approval - HA HA HA - ok just joking on that last bit. I sometimes wonder if this is how the daughter/father thing feels.... well, you know, without the vibrating your hormones comment. It is odd to have a man so consumed with my dating - especially in your position. With that being said, my kids adore you, you provide me a secure future (I hope), and you somehow continue to provide me with ammunition to make people laugh. I'm not sure I could ask for more from you. Well... I can think of a somethings...
Wanting every third Friday off with pay,
Mel P
You make my world more interesting. From the first day I met you when you came marching at me with a tribal spear in hand, until more recently when you mentioned how I made your hormones vibrate, you have made this trip something to remember. Thank you for the latter, that is an image that will never be extricated from my mind. I, according to you, am an hormone vibrator. Which begs some questions. Do I vibrate all hormones? Is it just the hormones of men?> Or only specific people? How did I become an hormone vibrator? Did I do something specific or is it just the sheer excellence that exudes from me that gets you feeling frisky?
In addition to this, I appreciate your need for me to date. Your need is greater than my desire - do you realize that I am content with not having the constant presence of a man around? Trust, though, as soon as I find one I want to keep around on a long term basis - you will be the first to know - in fact I might bring him in for the three of us to have a lunch date. At this point, I'm not sure I can have a relationship without your approval - HA HA HA - ok just joking on that last bit. I sometimes wonder if this is how the daughter/father thing feels.... well, you know, without the vibrating your hormones comment. It is odd to have a man so consumed with my dating - especially in your position. With that being said, my kids adore you, you provide me a secure future (I hope), and you somehow continue to provide me with ammunition to make people laugh. I'm not sure I could ask for more from you. Well... I can think of a somethings...
Wanting every third Friday off with pay,
Mel P
Friday, June 18, 2010
The Twelfth
Dear Steve,
This letter has been in process for quite sometime. There are of course, the emotions and thoughts that I had long before I decided to write these letters but then there are the actual thoughts put to paper since then. So please, be patient as I try to get all my thoughts out in a somewhat intelligible manner.
I once loved you.
I once tried to become someone I wasn’t just to make you happy.
I once hated myself for the person I became in an attempt to make you happy.
I once realized that no matter what I did, I did not have the power to make you happy.
I once got over it and worked to become the person I wanted to be without anyone else’s influence.
You apparently have played a big role in my life. I wish this letter could be a letter of forgiveness and understanding. It would have been had I written it 2 months ago. Yet, in that uncanny way you seem to be famous for, you yet again threw a wrench into my plans and my life. I finally felt secure in knowing that the kids and I were “good”. I thought that you no longer had an affect on us. I remember feeling relief that whatever was going on in your world, it didn’t matter because I knew that our bills would be paid, I knew that we would have food, I knew there would be shelter from the storm. I knew this because I made it so! HA HA HA, double freaking HA. Silly me, how could I even pretend that you did not have the ability to send me to a dark pit that I have had to work so very hard to climb out of? How is it you felt it was ok to hide, lie, and manipulate me? Better yet, have you not learned? You will NEVER win, you will only lose more and more of what you think actually means something. Is there anything else left for you to lose? At some point, will you finally ever stand up and take accountability for all you have done? Will you ever realize that you like every single one of us on this planet are in the shoes we are because of choices we make? How do you come about in life with having an ounce of responsibility? How can you stand not taking control and changing your life so that you can be something of meaning to yourself, your kids, your society? Do you not want, wish, hope for better?
I’ve jumped a little off course – I apologize. I’m struggling to laugh on a regular basis. I am constantly worried now. You make decisions without realizing how they affect my wonderful children, which in turns causes me so much pain. I have come to realize that no decision you make will be good for them. It hurts me. I did what I had to do to ensure they are safe and protected. I would ask for forgiveness, however I don’t need it. You made your choices, and for that there are consequences. For those choices, I will now hold you accountable. It does pain me for my children’s sake but I had to decide upon the road that would cause the least amount of injury to them.
Alright – so forget a little off course – there doesn’t seem to be a course for this letter. I may struggle to laugh now but I am still standing, I am still smiling and in the end, I am still the one tucking my children into bed at night receiving their sweet kisses. I hope you miss it – I hope you feel the pain from the decisions you have made. I don’t think you will but I still hope.
Working through the pain,
Your Ex Wife
This letter has been in process for quite sometime. There are of course, the emotions and thoughts that I had long before I decided to write these letters but then there are the actual thoughts put to paper since then. So please, be patient as I try to get all my thoughts out in a somewhat intelligible manner.
I once loved you.
I once tried to become someone I wasn’t just to make you happy.
I once hated myself for the person I became in an attempt to make you happy.
I once realized that no matter what I did, I did not have the power to make you happy.
I once got over it and worked to become the person I wanted to be without anyone else’s influence.
You apparently have played a big role in my life. I wish this letter could be a letter of forgiveness and understanding. It would have been had I written it 2 months ago. Yet, in that uncanny way you seem to be famous for, you yet again threw a wrench into my plans and my life. I finally felt secure in knowing that the kids and I were “good”. I thought that you no longer had an affect on us. I remember feeling relief that whatever was going on in your world, it didn’t matter because I knew that our bills would be paid, I knew that we would have food, I knew there would be shelter from the storm. I knew this because I made it so! HA HA HA, double freaking HA. Silly me, how could I even pretend that you did not have the ability to send me to a dark pit that I have had to work so very hard to climb out of? How is it you felt it was ok to hide, lie, and manipulate me? Better yet, have you not learned? You will NEVER win, you will only lose more and more of what you think actually means something. Is there anything else left for you to lose? At some point, will you finally ever stand up and take accountability for all you have done? Will you ever realize that you like every single one of us on this planet are in the shoes we are because of choices we make? How do you come about in life with having an ounce of responsibility? How can you stand not taking control and changing your life so that you can be something of meaning to yourself, your kids, your society? Do you not want, wish, hope for better?
I’ve jumped a little off course – I apologize. I’m struggling to laugh on a regular basis. I am constantly worried now. You make decisions without realizing how they affect my wonderful children, which in turns causes me so much pain. I have come to realize that no decision you make will be good for them. It hurts me. I did what I had to do to ensure they are safe and protected. I would ask for forgiveness, however I don’t need it. You made your choices, and for that there are consequences. For those choices, I will now hold you accountable. It does pain me for my children’s sake but I had to decide upon the road that would cause the least amount of injury to them.
Alright – so forget a little off course – there doesn’t seem to be a course for this letter. I may struggle to laugh now but I am still standing, I am still smiling and in the end, I am still the one tucking my children into bed at night receiving their sweet kisses. I hope you miss it – I hope you feel the pain from the decisions you have made. I don’t think you will but I still hope.
Working through the pain,
Your Ex Wife
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Eleventh
Dear Reina,
For a while I have wanted to try what you had to offer, longer than my knowing of your existence and that you offered what I wanted. So last night, I walked through your doors to experience a whole new level of activity which brought pure exhaustion and a lot of sweat. I swear, I glistened. Is glistening sexy? You didn’t glisten. Apparently, you know your stuff and have been doing this a lot longer than just starting up yesterday. When will it become easier? At what point will I learn all the moves necessary to not stumble upon my own feet? I’ll have to thank you though, it was fun and I anxiously await coming back next week to see if I have am any better.
Ready to Zumba,
Mel P
For a while I have wanted to try what you had to offer, longer than my knowing of your existence and that you offered what I wanted. So last night, I walked through your doors to experience a whole new level of activity which brought pure exhaustion and a lot of sweat. I swear, I glistened. Is glistening sexy? You didn’t glisten. Apparently, you know your stuff and have been doing this a lot longer than just starting up yesterday. When will it become easier? At what point will I learn all the moves necessary to not stumble upon my own feet? I’ll have to thank you though, it was fun and I anxiously await coming back next week to see if I have am any better.
Ready to Zumba,
Mel P
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