The Nineth

Dear Readers (or the lack thereof),

Is anyone actually reading this?  Are ya'll really out there?  I am beginning to doubt your existence and yet I still continue to write.  I know, I know, I took some time off - however let me give reason without making an excuse for I do not believe in excuses.  I started this blog and about 3 days laters, a bomb was released on my life.  I pushed through and figured it would get better however it has been so very emotionally straining on me.  It shouldn't be, I know, I should be able to just cut my losses and walk away(Beth that is for you because I know what you are thinking).  The thing is no matter what happens my kids lose which means I lose.  How can I accept that?  How can I allow that to happen without some thought or care?  At this point, there is not a lot that I can control for people make choices that affect our lives everyday.  The only control I do have is how I will react and respond to what is being heaved my way. I choose to care and to plan - what are we as a people when we cease to care?  The answer is frightening.  Once again, I care and I plan.  It is all I can do as the story unfolds. 
In the mean time, I have letters written in my journal that I will publish soon.  Believe it or not, sitting at a computer is not my favorite past time and my computer is unbelievably slow.  It will happen - just be patient as I work through the mess or drama I often call my life - which who knows - some good letters might come from it.

With a heavy heart,

Mel P